There are plenty of fish in the sea. I just suck at fishing.

There I am, sitting on my couch watching TV on a normal evening and the commercial comes on. That Match.com commercial everyone always talks about. You know that catchy phrase. More dates, more relationships, more marriages. What girl wouldn’t get sucked right into that one. You can be in a conversation anywhere and there is always that one person that likes to tell the story of “Oh I have a friend whose brothers, cousins, sisters, aunt met her husband online and they are madly in love and have three beautiful children”  

A girl can dream of meeting the perfect man at the grocery store when she drops that jar of peanut butter on the floor and in comes her knight and shining armor to pick it up for her they lock eyes and fall in love. Well, that’s my dream at least. That just doesn’t happen these days. People are more comfortable communicating online and through text messages rather than face to face.

As a 24-year-old girl living in South Florida, I believe that there is someone out there for me. Didn’t know I was going to have to go through these men like toilet paper, but hey..I’m having fun and that’s all that matters. Right ? I’m no Taylor Swift so there will be no singing here about all the men that don’t want to date me. Just my personal experiences, stories and a slight glimpse into what I like to call; The life of a serial dater.

The online dating scene is new for me. But since moving down to South Florida from NY I have had my fair share of ridiculousness dealing with the opposite sex. No serious relationships, only dating. Online dating has only crossed my mind in the past year since well, one it is shoved in your face on television and facebook ads, and two, since I didn’t believe I would meet my prince charming at 2am at Blue Martini on a Saturday night.

We all have that one section in our phones from all the people we meet at bars or elsewhere. Some of mine consist of Boat Boy, Matt Blue Martini, Lance Salt, Adam 75 Main, and John at Gym. How we come up with these names, who knows. But it is our way of remembering the morning after while we are sitting with our friends with a bagel and an iced coffee, “wait, who is Mark Green Eyes Tall!?”

If you are part of the single world it may sometimes cross your mind should I do online dating? Is it embarrassing? How does it work? Do only creepy people go on dating websites? I personally know 5 couples who have met through an online dating website and are happily married, which means there has to be hope! Well, I have been on what I can call a dating escapade. I have become the definition of serial dater, and not by choice.

The past 6 months I have had subscriptions to two dating websites, the more the merrier! When signing up for an online dating website I didn’t know I was also going to be getting myself into a second job. The profiles, the emails, the winks. How do you keep up with all of that? You can say that there is no one out there to date, but online dating gives you a shopping list of men. You pick, you choose. You date.

Lets begin.

 YOU MUST WRITE AT LEAST 200 CHARACTERS…

The profile.

All.About.You.

Choosing a good online dating username is like writing a hit song. They are few and far between. Other than your default picture, your username is the first thing a potential match sees. Then you create a headliner, um a what? You know, a catchy phrase to get someone to click on your profile to read all about the fantastic amazing wonderful person you are. PUKE.

You have to come up with a little excerpt of at least 200 characters of what describes you.Your interests, hobbies, travels, whatever you may want to share. Then you fill out the specifics. Hair color, eye color, weight, occupation, etc. ( By the way, they should have an option under hair color that says BALD, you will know why after a few entries). I mean, lets get real personal right off the bat. So obvi you want to say that you are awesome and everyone should want to date you. But that is not the case. I wrote this on a whim, not really thinking about it too much. Never went back and re-read it to analyze it until now. No wonder I can’t get a decent date. What the hell was I saying?

Let’s take it back one step for a minute. Again, there we are in the peanut butter aisle at the grocery store. So many to choose from. Some have more fat content than others, some are creamy, some are chunky, organic, honey flavored, you decided what you want. Just like when online dating. You can specifically search for the exact type of person you are looking for. I wonder how I come up when a guy does a specific search? “Let me check off, “height: midget status, hair: dark and overly processed, education: hometown college bachelors degree” Yup, that sounds about right.

So here it is. My on-line dating profile.

Headliner: “maybe we can buy some wallpaper, get some flooring, stuff like that. Maybe Bed, Bath, & Beyond, I don’t know, I don’t know if we’ll have enough time”

“New to SoFla! I work in the automobile industry as a Marketing and Sales Coordinator. My favorite hobby is playing golf, I have been playing since I was 7 years old and find it to be one of the most fun and relaxing things. I am full of energy, fun and excitement. I can also be very laid back and enjoy a quiet night out or just a pizza and a movie on the couch.The food channel network and discovery channel are almost always on my TV. I love to travel and try new things, Africa, Italy, Belize, Israel and Switzerland are just a few of the many places I have been fortunate to experience. I love to watch and play sports. I play lacrosse, basketball, and golf. I am a Giants, Panthers and Yanks girl. I won’t complain about sunday night football, I would be right by your side on the couch. I am very afraid of horses, and my biggest pet peeve is no toilet paper in a public restroom. I am not afraid to get dirty but I always act like a lady. I believe that your attitude is your altitude and to never let anything get in between you and your goals. All I can say is good things come in small packages!”

I thought that with my opening headliner I would catch a lot of guys attention with a classic movie quote from “Old School”, love that movie.

First of all, I am not new to SoFla ( and who writes SoFla anyway?) My favorite hobby is not golf, it is shopping. DUH. Then comes the line” I am full of energy, fun and excitement, but I can also be very laid back and enjoy a quiet night out or just a pizza and a movie on the couch” So, let me get this straight: I can can be a ball of energy and have fun? I can be very laid back when staying in? Get it together Lindsay. Stop having so many personality traits. “All I can say is good things come in small packages” WRONG! I can DEFINITELY think of one thing that is not good in a small package.

Then come the pictures.

How do you decide what to use? If you use a group shot it might be too hard for someone to pick you out. Mirror shot? Action shot? I have 6 pictures that I think are real eye catching. One with a baby lion from my trip to Africa. Three of me that are headshots ( they really are great photos if I do say so myself ) One next to a Shelby car…because well, boys love cars; and one skydiving, because you need to show that you are adventurous. Every time that I read someones profile and see they have a skydiving picture all I think is omgsoulmatemarriagebabiesforever.

I guess it is safe to say at this moment that this profile hasn’t gotten me anywhere except spending numerous amounts of money on mani/pedi’s, hair blowouts and new date outfits. Let’s not forget the $29.99 a month subscription!

#thelifeofaserialdater. fail

PEACE. LOVE. SUSHI

Now here comes the part where you interact. FUN!

Your main page is where all the magic happens. You can look at your emails, the emails that you have sent, the people who have winked at you, the people you have winked at, the people who have viewed your profile, and the people you have viewed. Can you say TMI much? I can see how many times a guy looks at my profile. Houston we have a stage 5 clinger on our hands. (I_am_YOUR_soulmate143) has viewed my profile 15 times in 1 day. OY VEY

SEARCH:

I am a: (woman looking for a man).  AGES: Between (25) and (32). LOCATED: (30 miles) of ZIP CODE: (33496)

You put in your criteria of the man (or woman) you want to search for. The interests you want your match to have, their exercise habits, their sign, if they smoke or drink, really narrow it down to exactly what you want. Usually after  doing the full criteria search I end up with no matches on the next page, picky girl problems.

Seems simple enough. My age range is 25-32. I think this is a good range considering I don’t want to date anyone that is younger then me, or  anyone that is over the hill. I received an email from a gentleman who was 58, from Ft. Lauderdale. The message started off like this. ” I know I am a lot older than you ,but I think we may have a lot in common.” Excuse me! There is no “BUT” in that sentence.

You send messages, wink, put people in your favorite list, and get daily matches specifically sent to you from Match.com. How great is that. Thanks Match.com for thinking that my perfect match is the divorced father of two who is 37 and bald. Awesome. It begins with a few email exchanges. “Hey, I’m Lindsay..how are you”. Exactly like that ( I go for the K.I.S.S method – keep it simple stupid ). After a few days of speaking online you may or may not want to actually meet up with that person. At first I was skeptical about giving people my number because I wasn’t sure if it was safe. But now I give it out like a company selling phone numbers to telemarkerters.The past few months have completely opened up my eyes to this dating world. It is a scary one to say the least.

I for one can say that I have been eating extremely well. Before I went out on my first date I told myself that I would never go out on a first date to eat sushi. How could you possibly look cute with a huge piece of fish in your mouth trying to chew and then get all of the left over pieces out of your teeth? No way, that was not going to happen! Until it did. Almost all of the first 6 dates that I had went on were to sushi resturants. Lobster monster? Yes please!

I don’t want to exploit anyone on this page so we won’t use any names, we will use funny nicknames. I am sure you are wondering if I have been dating for all these months and have gone on so many dates how do I remember them? Well, funny thing is, I keep a page on my note pad in my iphone with all of the dates that I have gone on. No explanations or stories that will be just from memory. So lets go!

Say it with me…
Miami Boy, Momma’s Boy, Baseball Boy, Busy Boy,Gym Boy, Chiropractor Boy, Boring Boy, Break-a-date Boy, Bald boy, Pilot Boy, Car Boy, Foul Mouth Boy, Bullsh*t boy, Jew boy, Petting boy, Southern Boy

You can’t not laugh at the end of that!

Now come take the journey with me and read each one of “THE BOYS” by clicking on the links above!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s