Tag Archives: email

My boyfriend is like February 30th, he doesn’t exist.

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BREAK-A-DATE BOY
 
Now how many chances do you give a guy before you finally tell them to take a hike? Break-a-date boy wasn’t always called that, he was originally blue-eyed boy. He was a Match.com dater and his profile picture was what I like to call “easy on the eyes.”
 
I sent him my template message “hey, I’m Lindsay..how are you ?”
 
He emailed me back right away. We didn’t waste any time and we exchanged phone numbers. He texted me soon after and we planned to meet at Yard House in Mizner Park for drinks. 
 
Before my dating adventures began I had a rule that I was not going to go out with anyone that just wanted to meet for drinks. Why couldn’t the guy just take an hour or so out of his life and take me to dinner to get to know me? Well I tossed that one right out of the rule book. I never thought that I may want to run for the hills on a date, but you never know what can happen in the world of online dating! This way, I had the option of having one drink and could duck out the back door if needed. (Just kidding, I never did that)
 
I met him at Yard House and we sat at the bar. He looked exactly like his picture online. This bar situation was better than all of the others in the past because we were sitting in the corner. He was on one edge of the bar and I was on the other. We were able to look at each other without getting neck cramps. 
 
Forget J.Crew boy, old school Abercrombie boy is here. Striped white and blue polo, dark washed jeans, spiked hair, perfect teeth, and those baby blue eyes. Check please.
 
Before we met up I didn’t tell him that I looked a little different then I did in my pictures. I now wish I had because on my next date karma bit me right on the behind. It was the month I decided to go blonde. I do it every year and regret it every time. When will I learn? Anyway, blondie showed up instead of the brunette he saw on the Match.com profile. He mentioned something right away.
 
He complimented me and said he wasn’t expecting that but it looked great. Should I have been flattered or should I have turned my gaydar on? Beep…Beep
 
The Yard House is known for their beers but I ordered a glass of wine instead. You think I wanted to be all bloated in the skinny jeans that took some serious sucking-in to get into? No thanks.
 
We had good conversation, a few things in common. I always use the golf background as good conversation material if nothing else; that always impresses. He had just taken the BAR exam and was waiting for his results. Oh a lawyer. He was commuting to work from West Palm Beach, and he was telling me about his upcoming move to Delray.
 
We had two drinks each and then decided to walk around. He asked if I wanted to get some ice cream. Damn you skinny jeans. 
( SLIGHT INTERRUPTION )
ON A SIDE NOTE: One day I’m going to write a letter to these online dating sites and tell them they should all reimburse me since I have to pay for a gym membership so that I can fit into my pants after all the dinners, alcohol and desserts I have to consume on these dates!
 
We headed to the ice cream shop. On our way, he said “My favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip what’s yours? I replied “NO WAY, that’s my favorite ice cream too!” Don’t judge my fabrication; every kind of ice cream is my favorite.
 
We got ice cream and I was actually having a great time. If you were an outsider looking at us, I am sure it looked like I was getting lost in his eyes and staring at him like I wanted to eat him instead of my ice cream.
 
He walked me to my car like a gentleman and he said he wanted to take me out again and he would call me. 8th date is the charm?
 
He told me the following day that he made reservations for us to go to Delray on Friday night to a new restaurant on the beach. This was looking promising.
 
Thursday evening, I received the infamous text. “I am going to have to reschedule, I have a work conflict and I have to work late.”
 
No problem- he did just start working at a law firm. 
 
Now one might think this was just a way for him to get out of it and that he didn’t want to see me again, but the next week he made plans to go out during the week instead of on the weekend, same restaurant. 
 
I was wrong. That time he called to cancel.
 
There was definitely some effort on his end, but no follow through. After a few weeks the communication stopped and I wasn’t so interested anymore. Blue-eyed boy then became break-a-date boy. I mean, I had already gone on two other dates since I saw him.
 
He-was-so-two-weeks-ago.
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My handshake brings all the boys to the yard

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BORING BOY

Now right off the bat you can probably imagine that there won’t be any funny or exciting stories here. But don’t go just yet.

Boring boy messaged me on Match.com, we emailed for a day or two and then he asked me to meet him at Lemongrass in Delray. (MORE SUSHI, YIPEEEEE!)

His pictures were A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E. He looked like he just stepped out of a J.Crew magazine, fall collection.

We met on a week night. I got a parking spot right outside of the restaurant. That in itself makes the night great. You know you are excited when you get “THAT” parking spot, you think “best. day. ever”

I arrived a few minutes early, and went inside the restaurant to wait for him. I sat at the bar and was looking at my iphone mirror app; Making sure I dotted my I’s, crossed my T’s and wiped the lipstick off my teeth, okay were good. Then I did some texting to friends, searched through PINTEREST and thought about a facebook check-in, but I refrained.

Finally he came in the door of the restaurant and we immediately looked at each other. I can only imagine the first thing that comes to people’s minds when they meet for the first time. If we all had a “word bubble” over our heads we would probably be screwed. My thoughts were simple, “MmmmMmm, I like”

The restaurant was very busy. They were offering a “buy 1 LOBSTER MONSTER get the other free” coupon, and all of Boca Raton was going to make sure they took advantage of that! We were seated at one of those “one side is booth one side is a chair” tables. We had to do that awkward walk around dance deciding who should sit on what side. You know the one where someone goes left and the other person goes left to go around them and then you try to go right and they do too. What a mess.

Our table was in the middle of two other tables, one couple on each side of us. We stuck out like a sore thumb. Actually we just stuck out like two young kids on their first date.

Not only was I going to have to make sure that I kept up good conversation with the “boy”, but I needed to make sure Mr. and Mrs. Nosey on the left had something good to listen to and Mr. and Mrs. Gawking on the right had something to look at. I should have told them to take a picture, it lasts longer.

They probably just wanted to live vicariously through our date since they didn’t even speak to each other the entire time. Put the iphone down and nobody will get hurt…

Here we are AGAIN, sushi time.

At this point I have mastered eating sushi in front of boys. I knew exactly which rolls to choose. I knew that white rice gets stuck in your teeth a lot easier then brown, never order anything with more than three ingredients in it; and stay away from anything that has the words ” volcano” or “dragon” in it.

“I’ll have a spicy tuna roll, brown rice, seaweed on the outside, no sesame seeds please.” Now this may sound picky, but you are saving yourself a lot of embarrassment such as: food dropping out of your mouth, food getting stuck in your teeth, or simply looking like a chipmunk trying to eat that oh-so delicious hurricane bomb roll in just one bite.

Now the date went a little like this.

We both opened the menu, I said “how about we share, we can split 3 rolls”. He said “perfect”. I decided that I would pick one he would pick one then we would decide together on the last. Teamwork at its finest. This way I could make sure to sneak my spicy tuna in for my “safety” roll.

The food came faster than a speeding bullet, so we didn’t even have too much time to have conversation. He was the same age as me so we talked about some funny things we remembered as 80’s babies, where we went on our teen tour in high school and the sports we played growing up. We were out of there in about 45 minutes. Now what?

ICE CREAM!

We walked over to Kilwins. NOW, if you have never been to Kilwins you need to go. Like now. You can smell that place from a mile away, the hot press making the waffle cones. YUMMY! ( am I making you hungry yet ?)

I got my fav ice cream, Rocky Road. I especially like it from Kilwin’s because they have the perfect amount of nuts to marshmallow ratio. What can I say, I am a foodie.

We talked about going to see a movie the following week. I was totally for it. The date was coming to an end and I did have a nice time, it was just a little uninteresting.

READY FOR THE KICKER

We started walking back towards Lemongrass . I said thank you and he said he had a really nice time. I was waiting for the awkward hug moment, (already prepared, arms under Lindsay, arms under), but all of a sudden he put out his hand to give me a hand shake. WHAT?!

He immediately stopped himself and said “Wait, what am I doing?” I said, ” I am not exactly sure?” Then he goes “come here”…NOW comes that ridiculously awkward hug.

He texted me a few days later trying to set up a time to see a movie.

Needless to say, I was B.U.S.Y

BORING

UNINTERESTED

SHOOK MY HAND

YAWN.