Tag Archives: love

Jewish American Princess

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MOMMA’S BOY.

Since my first Match.com date was kind of a bust it was water under the bridge. I figured I would try out the other dating website I had a subscription to. The infamous Jdate. Now if you don’t know, Jdate is another word for “Jew date” Bingo. Don’t have to search very far in this database to find the typical man I am “supposed” to marry. No judgements, but mostly everyone is under 5’8″, dorky, a lawyer, dentist or doctor; well I guess some judgements. Every jewish mothers dream for their daughter. 

He instant messaged me. “Hey, my name is Trevor” Again, so original. You really can’t go wrong with an opening like that. It would be a little much if you got an email saying “Hey I’m Trevor, I’m single for many reasons, I live at home, I don’t have a job but I just graduated college and am 25 years old” I almost wish that was the instant message I got in the first place. I could have saved some time, makeup, gas and calories.

His pictures were kind of cute. and he seemed like a fun and interesting guy. He was 5’10” so he passed my height requirement; and yes I do have a height requirement. Believe me, I am no giraffe but I also don’t want to have midget babies in my future. Trevor and I exchanged a few emails back and forth and then phone numbers. He asked me to meet him at Lemongrass in Boynton Beach. Lovely. My first sushi date, can’t wait. We met on a thursday night, right after work 6PM on the dot. I am not sure what the pattern was going to be here but we were two for two, another one sitting at the bar. So, what did I do? Went with it.

I am a pretty optimistic person so I believed that even if it he wasn’t going to be my perfect match I was going to make a good time out of every date that I went on. He stood up off the bar stool and gave me that weird hug that you once perviously had with your date to the 8th grade dance in front of your 2nd period science teacher.

Our conversation went nicely and this time I prepared myself with first date questions I found online so that we could avoid any awkward silences. Where is one place you would love to travel this year? What was your favorite thing to do as a kid?  I did introduce him to the dynamite roll. Don’t get me wrong, even though I thought sushi would be a bad first date meal, I like to consider myself as a sushi connoisseur. Repeat after me. D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S on a plate. Who cares about the date, give me food and I’m happy.

 

The chemistry wasn’t there for me on my end, but I could see it in his eyes he was totally into the little JAP his mom must have told him all about before he left the house. The date was short and sweet. He texted me that night and told me what a nice time he had with me. I’m sure his mother told him to do that. He asked to see me on Sunday. I told him I had to spend the day with my family even though I didn’t have plans.  He contacted me two more times to meet up and I just was a busy bee, ya know place to go, people to see, dates to go on.

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Takes 24hrs to report a missing person. Takes me 24hrs to get dumped.

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BASEBALL BOY

His profile caught my eye. A tall, good-looking, baseball player who just moved to Florida and was going to FAU to get his MBA. There was a short and simple paragraph under his ABOUT ME section, sounds good to me. Why not? Let’s go for it. I emailed him and told him a little bit about myself. By now I have caught onto the Match.com process. A few emails, the number exchange, then the meet up plans.

We decided to meet at the Living Room, in Boynton Beach. It was actually funny because a few weeks prior to talking to him, my sister and I were shopping at Marshall’s in Boynton Beach and I was looking for living room furniture for the new apartment that I had just moved into. While leaving the store I noticed the sign “Living Room” and I thought to myself, “how clever, a store all for living room furniture”

Nope, that’s not what it is. It is a small, new, trendy bar that has trivia night every Wednesday. SURPRISE!

The Living Room is a boho chic, warm, and inviting restaurant with a cozy setting. Even though this was not in my top 10 comfort zone restaurants, I was up for something new. The restaurant is divided up in to small “living rooms” with couches for seating. SO CUTE!

When I walked in I didn’t have any searching to do considering it is an extremely small restaurant and he would stand out in any crowd being 6’4″; good thing I was wearing my 4″ heels that night.

We sat down in a private section on a couch, I was just glad this time that I didn’t have to sit completely uncomfortable on this date. No sweating, and no neck cramps. So far, so good. We ordered drinks and then decided what we were going to eat.

He said that he did reviews online before coming and that the pear pizza was their signature dish. Perfect, I like a man who does a little research. We got spinach dip for the appetizer and we split the pear pizza. YUMMY.

We had easy conversation, not forced at all. We had a few things in common like golf, we both enjoyed going to sporting events and he had an older sister like I do. Nothing awkward, at least not yet. When we finished dinner the waitress dropped off a piece of paper with questions on it and a pencil on our living room end table. UM, WHAT?

Every Wednesday the Living Room hosts trivia night, oh joy! I figured this was the perfect opportunity for me to show my skills of senseless knowledge; and by skills I mean google.

The trivia went on for about an hour. It was kind of funny, we got to work as a team and some of the questions were ridiculous.

We got to question #7. “What kind of food is this?” Food? We don’t have any food, and magically what appeared on our table from the hostess were two brown balls that looked like poo. Yes, poo. We were supposed to taste this unidentifiable “thing” and write down what we thought it was.

All I could think was “HOLY HELL SOMEONE SAVE ME IM ABOUT TO PUT POO IN MY MOUTH.” So, on the count of three we both took a brown ball and popped it into our mouths. The brown poo was actually chocolate, thank goodness. Then I got to a creamy center, and then something crunchy. All edible.

How embarrassing would that have been if I wanted to spit it out, I for sure would have never got a call back after that one. We guessed that it was chocolate, peanut butter and a pepper. It was actually chocolate, mascarpone cheese and a hot green pepper, pretty close. Shocker, but we lost the game.

Before the night ended he asked me out on a second date on Saturday. SCORE, I made it to my first second date. We said goodnight with somewhat of an awkward hug goodbye. The 6’4″ to 5’4″ ( don’t forget the heels) ratio was strange to say the least.

We talked back and forth all day thursday through text message. He told me that he was making reservations at an italian restaurant in Delray. Again, feed me and I am a happy camper.

Friday came along and I was actually looking forward to seeing him. Being the good little Jew that I am I decided to go to temple on Friday night. Around 8PM I got a text message from him. ” Hey, I just wanted to tell you that you are a really great girl and I had such a nice time with you. I am not going to be able to go out with you tomorrow because I met someone else.”

HOLD THE PHONE PEOPLE. You met someone else within 24hrs and you are canceling our dinner date? You were non-stop text messaging me the past two days. Couldn’t even wrap my thoughts around this one. Didn’t chase, left it alone.

ONTO THE NEXT ONE.

Y.O.L.O ( I know you only live once, but this is the restaurant )

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MIAMI BOY.

Two days of email exchange and boom I get the message ” lets meet for a drink.”  Great, let’s do it. Now, we are going to keep in mind that this was my actual first Match.com date which happened in July, hot and sticky July. Do you know what it is like to get all done up and then walk outside and the hair straightening job you just did for 45 minutes has turned into frizz central in about 2.5 seconds?

From Boston, lives in Miami. We decided to meet at Y.O.L.O since it was half way in between Miami and Boca. I had asked if we were going to have dinner as well and the last text message he sent before we met he said “we will see where the night takes us” Whatever, dude. I had suggested Y.O.L.O because it is in my top 10 comfort zone restaurants. This is extremely important when going on a first date. You want to be on your turf. Remember that.

You must understand if you have gone on a blind date or have ever done online dating it is a little weird going to meet someone for the first time, but when isn’t that weird? So when you get to the bar or restaurant, you walk around very slowly, kind of like a cat looking for a sneaky mouse. Look a little to the left, look a little to the right, try to pretend you are that confident sassy queen you told yourself you were 10 minutes ago in the rear view mirror.

So, I pull up to Y.O.L.O in Ft. Lauderdale and luckily it is a small area and I didn’t have to do too much searching. There he was, sitting all the way at the end of the bar, a very attractive man, in a light blue polo..” Ok girl, you got this…” I go over to introduce myself and hop up onto the bar stool ( no really, I had to hop up ) and we start talking. We start off with good conversation about our hobbies, where we are from, what we went to school for, etc. A little strange since we were sitting next to each other and not across from each other like you would on a normal date, but I went with it. The side head cock was uncomfortable after 30 minutes and I had to cross my legs as lady like as I could without facing too much towards him. Too many rules to follow.

All I heard was blah blah blah, I’m new to match.com because I like to date girls who look like super models. Who in their right mind says that to someone? My reply was, “well you’re not going to find that here, I am no super model”. Duh Lindsay, did you have to point out that you are NOT a super model. I am sure my 5’1″ stature and big ass gave that one away real easy. I could have got up and walked away, but I’m not a quitter. We each had two drinks. That is rule # 1, two drink max..you don’t want to be THAT girl on a first date.

I must have passed some kind of test because he asked if I was hungry and ready for dinner. What kind of question is that anyway? Yes I am hungry…I am always hungry. I was ready to get up off that horrible bar stool and sit down, but no, we didn’t get a table. Instead, we still sat awkwardly at the bar next to each other, sweating, while I was secretly trying to suck everything in under that ridiculously small skirt that I knew I shouldn’t have worn in the first place.

We all know I was nervous about the date all day so I barely ate anything, so by this time I am STARVING. Opening the menu ” so what were you thinking of having? ” He goes “well I am really into eating healthy and organic food so I’m going to have a small salad”…..OH….OK. Sure that sounds great……..not.

After our meal, some laughs, and a few awkward silences, the date came to an end. He picked up the check and we walked out together.He was a little stuck up, but he kind of just looked like a guy that would be ( you know what I’m talking about, I know you do). He said he had a great time, paid for my valet and said he would give me a call. He drove away in his shiny white BMW SUV with black rims; again he kind of just looked stuck up.  All in all, the evening wasn’t TERRIBLE. 2 hours out of my life I was alive, safe and still hungry. Well take it . So, now since I have had some experience we can all read between the lines together.

ILL.CALL.YOU.WHEN.YOUR.A.TALL.BLONDE.SUPERMODEL.

WHICH.MEANS.NEVER